Today’s post is brought to you by the spirit of taking classically beloved things and ruining them. And with that in mind, these are some of the things I overheard while watching “The Immunity Syndrome,” a second season episode of Star Trek: The Original Series:

* “Notify the Starfleet that we’re going to attempt to probe the area of darkness to gain further information.”
* “Ahead slow. Impulse power only.”
* “Penetration of the zone in one minute, seven seconds, sir.”
* “That sound was turbulence caused by the penetration of a boundary layer, Captain.”
* “In that case, Captain, I would suggest we apply forward thrust.”
* “I don’t know how long we can keep this up.”
* “Keep applying thrust against the pull.”
* “Scotty, channel all the impulse and warp power into one massive thrust forward. That might snap us out of the zone.”
* “Perhaps with a protective shield .”
* “The thing evidently has reflexes. The unmanned probe we sent in must have stung it when it entered. The lurch we felt was the turbulence of its reaction.”
* “All right, so I’d know enough to go slow when we penetrated its vulnerable spots.”
* “We can maintain thrust for another hour and fifteen minutes.”
* “I am familiar with the equipment, Doctor.”
* “When do you estimate penetration?”
* “Brace yourselves. The area of penetration will no doubt be sensitive.”

and finally

* “We’re going to enter the body of the organism rather abruptly, I would think. Damage control parties stand by.”