Tag Archives: food

some questions

November 5, 2010 By in food Tags: , , , , 4 Comments

Mostly about sandwiches:

1. Why did it take me so long to discover how good pickles are on sandwiches?
2. Why did it take me so long to discover how good bacon is on sandwiches?
3. Why did it take me so long to discover how good pickles and bacon together are on sandwiches?
4. Why is deli meat inferior to all other kinds of meat? Why does it taste like that?
5. Why is salami and pepperoni so fucking delicious?
6. Why do sandwiches taste better when they are on hoagie or sub bread instead of sliced bread?
7. Why are tuna melts so perfect?
8. Why does hot food make you feel so good inside?
9. Why does the sandwich always have to end? Why can’t it be forever?
10. Is it obvious by this point that I’m currently eating a hot chicken bacon sub with ranch dressing, pickles, and onions? Because I totally am.

I AM SPARTACUS

October 29, 2010 By in Me, silly Tags: , , , , 1 Comment

Had lunch with two good friends today whom I rarely see. It was fun and lovely to see them, but the restaurant had paper table cloths. This was their first mistake. Their second was being slow and giving me time to do this:

In case you couldn’t tell, this is a dramatic representation of a scene from Spartacus: Blood and Sex Sand. This is real, people. I didn’t make it up. And you know what? I feel no guilt. Sometimes you just need to get pornographic in a fancy restaurant. I’m especially proud of the tiny exposed boobie. The staff probably made fun of it after I left, so I was really just providing a public service, if you think about it.

three things I learned today while making chili

September 14, 2010 By in food Tags: , , , , , , 12 Comments

And they are as follows:

1. I don’t like coriander.
2. Freshly chopped chili peppers can burn your skin even with the briefest contact.
3. Never pick your nose after freshly chopping chili peppers.

And I learned all of these things the hard way.

UPDATE — TWO HOURS LATER: Upon further examination, have also learned that evil hot pepper juices are resistant to soap. Do not touch eyes even after washing hands.  Also learned this the hard way. Oh, God. When will my hands be safe again? Have feeling that the answer might be NEVER. Probably best not to chop peppers at all. Hope that I am spelling things right. Can’t see to type properly because of the BURNING.

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