drunk « ashley awesome

[Today I went to a football game and decided I didn't want to blog, so I asked my sister to do it for me. Don't be too hard on her. She's new to this whole blogging thing, but also, feel free to be hard on her because it will be funny.]

Hellloooooo friends. Melissa (Ashley’s sister) signing in. I apologize ahead of time, as I am not nearly as witty or intelligent of a writer (WARNING, WARNING!). Yet, as they say in the world of beer pong, darts and other highly sophisticated sports (what????), I am her “celebrity shot,” if you will.

Following the historic and alcohol lined road that is the celebrity shot, I too might seem to be drunk (i.e. I will probably ramble . . . a lot), and in no way will I care if I fail to make the crucial, arc shot into the last cup (this is code for my blogging skills are probably sh**). Although, along with the best drunks that have been honored as a celebrity shooter, I am just trying to have fun, and fun I will have. (Side note: Perhaps my lack of pong ambition is why I am rarely asked to be a celebrity shooter?? Just saying.)

Soooo, some of you may be wondering why I have a picture of Sweet Lou as my icon (Lou Pinella, manager of the Cubs). He clearly has nothing to do with beer pong . . . other than in his day he may have been a shining star of the sport (just look at him, he looks like he can throw back a few . . . yes?). Now, he is baseball, and I love baseball. More importantly, I love Chicago, the city where his team–those Cubbies– reside. I was lucky enough to travel to Chi-town this summer and visit the ivy walls of Wrigley Field. The city changed my life. I have felt for some time that I have wanted to move and find adventures in a big city. But now it seems these adventures could be a reality for me. Hey Chicago, whaddya say? Should I move there today??

Now, who wants to go play beer pong?? Seriously.

CHEERS!

Fulfilling a dream that I had in April, I spent all day Monday, starting at noon Arizona time, drinking a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon by myself and watching as many movies as I possibly could. In theory, I should have been pleasantly drunk all day and then sobered up before bed, but we’ll see. And since you guys responded so well to my last drunk blog, I figured I would oblige you with another. You’re welcome.

- – -

12:00 PM — Apartment cleaned, Google Reader emptied, cat fed . . . it’s time to open up that wine bottle.
12:02 PM — Having difficulty getting bottle open.
12:05 PM — Mission successful with minor damage to self (band-aid on right thumb). Have first glass of wine in hand; putting in Frost/Nixon because it’s a “serious” movie and I’m not drunk yet.
12:45 PM — I’m starting to feel the wine. I’m so easy. Giggling abnormally long at the line “Yes, but more importantly, she comes from Monaco. They don’t pay taxes there.” Nixon/Frank Langella is FUNNY.
12:55 PM — Not enjoying seeing Mr. Darcy with long white hair, balding. GRoooossS. (Second glass of wine.)
1:36 PM — Ha ha the drunk Nixon telephone scene is funny because I’m drunk too ha ha ha. Drunk buddies! Well actually, I’m just tipsy but whatevs.
1:51 PM — PEE BREAK!
1:55 PM – Nixon just effed himself on camera. He was all I WAS THE PRESIDENT AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.
1:59 PM — Guess what I had for breakfast? Huevos Rancheros and tortillas and coffee. It was SO GOOD.
2:01 PM — Were men in the ’70s shinier?
2:04 PM — Mr. Darcy is naked! Ha ha ha ha.
2:05 PM — Don’t be sad, Tricky Dick. I’d be friends with you. No for serious, poor guy.
2:12 PM — I’m sad . . . time for more wine!
2:15 PM — Snacky snack of chocolatey raisins, and time for Twins. Can you guys believe that this dude is the actual governor of California now, for reals? I mean, what?
2:27 PM — Ahnold’s legs scare me. They have neormous calvesss! Ooh, he’s eating ice cream. I want some but I think that would be bad right now. Oh my God I love ice cream.
2:58 PM — My head feels floppsy like a new baby’s. Maybe I should desist . . . hm not. I think. I make soup at five. Hope I don’t cut fingers with sharpness.
3:05 PM — “FIVE MILLIIOOOON DOLLARS!!! DON’T FORGET THE POTATO CHIPS!”
3:31 PM — You guys, I think Kitty likes me better when I’m drunk. He just let me rub his head and he didn’t run away!!! Ooh, I have an email.
3:37 PM — I just brushed my teeth drunk ha ha. I like Danny Devito where did he go? Does he have kids? Isn’t that weird?
3:48 PM — They think their mom is dead but she’s totally alive!!!!
4:04 — What a dumb ending! Haha I love it. Hey, more emails. ooh one’s from Emily. She sent me this fat kitty video haha but I thought it was really funny even though I’ve seen it before. I’m hungry.
4:10 PM — Mmmm, cheesy popcorn. And in goes The Dark Knight. I is wondering if watching this movie is the best idea right now.
4:12 PM — What is this Blu-Ray shit? I resent you, Blu-Ray! I RESENT YOU SO MUCH!
4:14 PM – You guys, did y0ou know that Heath Ledger is dead?! I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.
4:18 PM — Wait did you guys also know that Maggie Smith dies! Whoops spoiler alert. Whait wat did I say? I’m confused. I’m going to watch movie now.
5:08 PM — Oh, shit, there’s a leak in our ceiling! Alison found it and blamed it on Kitty, but he’s so cute he’s just watchin it. Like, it’s pretty weird.
5:15 PM — You know what I been drunk for five hours and this movie is scary. I shoulda picked a better one, like with singing.
5:20 PM — Wow, I’m kinda bored with this movie. EXECUTIVE DECISION.
5:29 PM — Richard Alpert is in this movie. Hi! How long until Chuck? Oh wait there’s The Joker Heath. He’s pretty awesome. Maybe I’ll just watch his parts. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID. I’m going to Hell.
5:47 PM — Okay, no I’m done with this movie. I don’t wanna watch no more. I’m hungry and MY TURKEY BROTH WON’T THAW!
6:00 PM — Time for Chuck Me Monday! Yay! (1X03 – “Chuck vs. The Tango.”)
6:25 PM – Dammit, I think I’m sober. This is probably a good thing as I’m about to chop carrots and celery with this thing called a knife.
6:51 PM — No more Chuck for the week. No Chuck = Suck. Now must go cook soup.
7:21 PM — Dammit, soup takes forever. When can I have more wine? I wish I had some kalamata olives. Fatty.
7:28 PM — Referring to previously unexplained EXECUTIVE DECISION, have nixed watching of The Dark Knight and postponed Slither and Dirty Dancing in favor of Caprica, which I have had in my possession for three months and not yet watched.
8:15 PM — I think I’m about to eat the cat.
8:17 PM — Dooce announced new baby’s name! The excitement over new baby broke Dooce’s servers. Awww, baby. Can I eat the feet?
8:20 PM — Time to finish soup! Only half an hour left! I’m going to kill myself! Hey, let’s start up that wine again (fifth glass!) Wine substitutes for food?
8:46 PM — That took way longer than I thought it would. Still waiting, but now, I wait with wine, and the first thirty minutes of Caprica!
9:16 PM — Holy crap soup’s done! Yay! Even if it’s crap, I’m going to drink it like a cow. (It won’t be crap, I’m an excellent cook, although, not as good, say, as some people.)
9:35 PM — IT’S TINY BILL ADAMA!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
9:55 PM — This is intense, and my buzz is totally back.
10:13 PM — CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN!!! AT 10:13!!!! WHOA.
10:31 PM — Almosst fell out of chair when the BSG daddy bagpipe theme (I LOVE THIS SONG YOU SHOULD PLAY IT NOW AND LOVE IT, TOO) came on during Tiny Adama and Daddy Adama’s hugg.
10:45 PM — You know what, guys? It’s hard work being drunk all day so I’m drunk over and out. Oh doubleyoo tee. Out. Waaaaiiitt. That’s not right but I don’t care. Should I have more wine?
11:31 PM — Ugh, I feel terrible. I’m never doing this again.

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