I came here with the intention of typing ‘Once upon a time . . .’ and then following it with something asinine and not even remotely clever, probably involving swearing or poop or something, but then I had an urge to figure out how I could enter a blog post like Oprah enters a room, and then I immediately realized I had no idea how to make that happen, so now you’re reading this run-on sentence instead. And all of that happened in approximately .07 seconds. My brain is like LIGHTNING.

Which reminds me, did you guys see the last 30 Rock episode when Jenna was like ‘MY WHOLE LIFE IS THUNDER,’ and normally I don’t really like Jenna, but I am 100% behind that line. Even though my life is boring in reality, sometimes it feels like thunder. And anyway, Jenna was talking about thunder as in ‘stealing my,’ so it’s really not the same thing, but out of context, it sounds awesome. I can tell you one thing and that’s how I didn’t intend to spend an entire paragraph talking about Jenna on 30 Rock, but it’s happening, and I guess that’s progress, if you consider that I’m actually writing something while writing about nothing, which is an improvement over not writing nothing at all. You follow me, stranger? (Is that a thing? Did I just plagiarize allude? Who cares shut up I’m over it.)

And now that I’ve typed ‘shut up,’ I just want to take the moment to say, inappropriately, that I feel very personally upset by the Dooce/Jon divorce and also morbidly curious.

And now I’m sad.

And I just want to say that I did intend to at some point mention what a good mood I was in this morning because I did yoga last night, and because I watched Chuck last night as well, and this morning, and it was my favorite episode of the whole series (“Chuck Versus The Beard”), but hey look at that, I’ve managed to say it anyway, despite getting so unbelievably off track. Basically I can just write whatever I want, and you’re already in this too deep, so you’re just going to keep reading aren’t you. You don’t even know what I’m going to say next (because I don’t know what I’m going to say next), and I don’t have any evidence for this, but

Okay, so I’m pretty sure I was going to say something amazing there but I got distracted by something and closed the document and when I came back to it I had already forgotten what I was going to say.

I suppose this is as good a time as any to end this entry. I know it’s good for me. I’m going to go watch a movie and eat enchiladas with my idiot friends, and then I’m going to come home and watch The X-Factor. Don’t ask my why I watch that horrible show, I just do okay, so shut up. CARLY ROSE WOOOOO!!!

To be continued later, maybe, probably . . . some day.

UPDATE: So I watched the episode, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Carly Rose actually delivered my two least favorite performances. Maybe it’s because she sang two of my favorite songs, “Imagine” and “Your Song,” but actually I think my favorite performances were Tate Stevens’ rendition of “Bonfire” (super fun, and hey, I would buy that album), and Fifth Harmony’s crazy Mad Hatter and glitter inspired performance of Ellie Goulding’s “Anything Can Happen,” which I downloaded from iTunes (and which featured Camila wearing the largest bow on her head that has ever been worn by a human being).

In conclusion, Tate should win because he and his super cute family deserve it. Carly Rose is young and doesn’t need the $5 million like he does. But I also hope Emblem3 and especially Fifth Harmony get snatched up by recording companies, because I love them. THE END.