Why is it that every time I have a vacation, I am suddenly incapable of doing anything that I want to do? I have also found that when I’m on vacation I start experiencing lost time, like in the X-Files when the aliens come and abduct you. Alison comes home from work and asks me about my day and suddenly I cannot remember what I did for the entire period between noon and four, or between six and ten. Just hours of my life gone. Vanished! It’s a conspiracy or something.

Something is probably called The Internet or Watching TV. Obviously. But still. Maybe I’m just going crazy or have brain damage?

Which reminds me. So, you know how people sometimes get anxiety when they’ve promised something big to somebody else? Sometimes that’s how I feel about this blog, and actually about life in general. It’s like there’s three of me: student Ashley, teacher Ashley, and blogging/writer Ashley and I don’t have time to be 100% for any of them. I think it might be nice someday to only have to be one of those things at a time, preferably the last one. But with money. Then I might actually write on this blog instead of posting stupid pictures and whining all the time and trying to distract you with contests (which reminds me, my contest is still going on, and I’m telling you, somebody is THIS CLOSE to winning it). I have all of these ideas and no time to idea them out. For instance, I started writing a novel about six months ago. I’ve never told anyone but my roommates about it before. You should feel honored. BUT. For all the thinking and planning and thinking about stuff I have to research and characters and plot arcs and stuff that I have gotten done, I have written exactly one paragraph of the thing. Because I have no time.

Why is this such a tragedy? Well, mostly because Patrick Rothfuss is auctioning off several chances to get a manuscript read, either by him (how cool is that?) or by a professional editorial type person, and this is both awesome and a tragedy. It’s gonna give some lucky person the break they’ve been looking for, but there is no way that I will ever benefit from it, so whatever. Firstly, I have no money to bid on an auction, secondly, I have no novel for him to read because I have no time. I don’t think any of you except my roommate Alison will ever understand how close I came this semester to both having a mental breakdown and failing completely at school. I like, don’t even want to talk about it.

So what did I do when school was over? After I woke up (because of course there was sleeping to be caught up on), and after I harvested my Strawberries on Farmville, I went to Target and wasted $100 that I don’t have on tights, thigh high socks, normal socks, sweat pants, slipper shoes, and expensive cat litter. Wait. None of that sounds like $100. Where did all my money go? But P.S. on the cat litter. It is the best cat litter ever invented. I have been afraid of the litterbox for two years now, but I am not afraid any more. If you have a cat, check this crap out. It’s awesome and totally worth it. On the plus side, I did win this nifty wall decal from putzing around on Twitter when I was supposed to be writing papers or grading papers or whatever. Also, I don’t know if you’ve heard about this, but The Bloggess sent me a Christmas card, thanks to Emily, and then The Bloggess commented on my blog, so: best Christmas Present ever.

On the plus side, I really have discovered that I like teaching. A lot. I just wish I had more time for it. At the end of the semester, all of the 101 students have to write reflection papers — and unless all of them were totally pulling shit out of their butts — I think I really made a difference in some of these kids lives. Teaching 101+ students (students who for whatever reason weren’t qualified for English 101) was really difficult at times because I have to not only prepare them for what they’ve missed (which is different for every kid), but I have to catch them up to the “regular” kids. I’m not sure, but I think I did okay. And to see actual results, kids going from D papers to A papers, is really gratifying. Honestly, there was a moment two nights ago when I was grading in a big flurry — and maybe I was just emotional for other reasons — but I was all alone and I read something a student wrote, and I just started crying. I’m so confused about life.

Anyway, none of that was related to anything but I needed to say it all, so maybe now when I come back to write again, it will actually be coherent and connected by something other than nothing (you know, there are these things called themes that I like to teach my students about). Does anybody want to give me $5,000?