ashley awesome

13. “My Hero,” Scrubs
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Season One, Episode 24
Original Airdate: May 14, 2002
Written By: Neil Goldman, Garrett Donovan
Directed By: Michael Spiller

Starring: Zach Braff as Dr. John “J.D.” Dorian
Sarah Chalke as Dr. Elliot Reid
Donald Faison as Dr. Christopher Turk
Neil Flynn as Janitor
Brendan Fraser as Ben Sullivan
Ken Jenkins as Dr. Robert “Bob” Kelso
Sam Lloyd as Theodore “Ted” Buckland
Robert Maschio as Dr. Todd “The Todd” Quinlan
John C. McGinley as Dr. Percival “Perry” Cox
Christa Miller as Jordan Sullivan
Judy Reyes as Nurse Carla Espinosa

Synopsis: Ben (guest star Brendan Fraser) takes the news of his diagnosis pretty well – at least better than his sister Jordan and J.D. Remarkably, it is Dr. Cox who is the voice of reason and compassion, until his own fears get in the way. Meanwhile, Turk and Elliot have their own issues to deal with. Turk is upset because he wasn’t chosen to assist on a difficult surgery and Elliot is criticized during rounds by Dr. Kelso for the 100th time.

Trivia:

• In the scene in which Ben picks J.D. up over his shoulder and spins him around in the air, Braff is actually doing some of the camera work. He held the camera out in his arms and shot the close-ups of his face himself.
• All of the superhero references by Dr. Cox are referring to Superman.
• Ted’s band is in fact actor Sam Lloyd’s real life a capella band. When Bill Lawrence found out about Sam’s band, he couldn’t resist finding an excuse to put them in the series. They have since made multiple appearances.
• J.D.’s first girlfriend, Sarah Briggs, was based on Bill Lawrence’s girlfriend who was also called the same name. Bill Lawrence also wonders whether Sarah Briggs ever thinks about him.

Why It’s on the List: I struggled with this one a little bit. I really wanted to put an episode of Scrubs on here, but I couldn’t decide which one for the life of me. The best part of Scrubs as a series, especially in it’s earlier years, were the moments of sublime silliness intercut with dramatic moments. You could get one of those moments an episode and have it be a really well constructed episode, or you could get fifteen per episode, but overall that episode could be complete crap. What I’m saying is that Scrubs is a weird show, and that this episode is one of the former. As the first season’s penultimate episode, I feel that it does a good job of summing up why a Scrubs episode needed to be on this list, and why it lasted for so long despite lower ratings than some of its less creative sitcom counterparts.

Extra Goodies: Episode Transcript

Sacred Heart Hospital, morning. John Dorian enters the building, sees a sad Janitor sitting in the lobby. He pauses, gets scrunchy face, and self-narrates that he can’t believe he’s about to do this. This, meaning him being the Janitor’s butt-monkey yet again (or is it still relatively new in the first season? I can’t remember).

“What’s wrong?” he asks, and meaning it (which is the best part). Janitor looks up at him and says that he lost his mop, like his dog just died or something. J.D.’s face hilariously changes from wary-prey-walking-into-a-trap to concerned-five-year-old-about-to-hug-you in less than a millisecond. This kid is a serial approval seeker. “Really?” he asks, and immediately Janitor scowls out a ‘”No,” and then proceeds to rail against everyone in the hospital how they only think of him as the Janitor and how J.D. doesn’t even know his name. When J.D. tries to read it off of his name-tag, Janitor claps his hand over it, and after spouting off that the nurses call him “Sir Plunge-A-Lot” (Janitor: “I know.”) J.D. tries to defend himself by saying that Janitor probably doesn’t even know his name, either, but Janitor doesn’t let him finish. He stands proudly, and says: “John Michael Dorian.” And when J.D. asks him how he knew that, he says: “Because I care.”

As we transition to a hospital room full of no one but an angry Jordan, J.D. Voiceover (JDVO from now on) tells us that today sounds like a good day to hide out in a patient’s room, “Unless, of course, my patient is missing.” Which: he is. Oh, Ben, brother of Jordan, best friend of Dr. Cox, leukemia patient, and strange yet awesome character played by Brendan Fraser: where are you? Before slamming her way out of the room, Jordan threatens to show him the new moves she learned in her crotch punching class if he doesn’t find her brother post haste. J.D., with a classic Scrubs non-sequitur: “I . . . I think it’s great that you’re going back to school.”

Out in the hall, J.D. catches up with her and she rattles off some snarky remarks about Sacred Heart while he follows her like a scared puppy. Actually, if you think about J.D. in canine-terms, the whole show begins to make a lot more sense on, like, levels you didn’t even know existed. They round a corner to find Ben, hiding from his leukemia in the children’s ward, a little girl on his shoulder. You know, Brendan Fraser is a very large man, and I can’t help but think sometimes that the person who coined “gentle giant” had him in mind. He just picks up this other kid off of the floor using only his shirt (“Is anyone missing one of these?”), and the whole time the kid’s giggling madly. J.D. tries to get him to “put the small children down,” but all that ends up happening after both the little girl and boy are free of Giant Man-Child Ben is that his hands are now free “to do this:”

Up and over his shoulder goes J.D., whose eyes glaze over in vapid joy (“Faaaster! Eeeeaagle!”). When Ben puts him down, he falls over into a bunch of plastic blocks; all the kids laugh because it is funny to see grown men behaving like monkeys. And then it’s Jordan’s turn. Even while she’s threatening the ill children with bodily harm (“You take that picture, you’ll be glad you’re in a hosptial!”), she secretly loves everything about her big brother. Little kid snaps the picture, as Ben spins her faster and faster, and it’s time for the credits.

Conflict

Close up on the newly developed picture (a Polaroid?) of Jordan being scary on Ben’s shoulder:

“I think you got yourself a Christmas card right there,” deadpans Ben. She tells him he’s funny, but I don’t think she means it because she grabs it from his hand and rips it up. Way to break a dying man’s things.

And then it’s lecture time. Jordan doesn’t understand why Ben won’t wear a hospital gown. Ben, in a funny British accent: “Because I don’t like people to see my bum.” Ben and Jordan descend into familiar bickerging as J.D. retreats into his head. JDVO: “I’m a good intern, but when you’re dealing with disease and family, an intern just doesn’t cut it. What you need . . . is a hero.” As he says that last phrase, J.D. pauses, turns and smiles . . . and in walks Dr. Cox, who immediately tells the entire room to pre-emptively shut up. You can’t really tell at this point, but it’s taken a lot of effort for Dr. Cox just to set foot in the room, so he covers his dread up with an extremely peppy and punctuated pep talk, complete with fake karate moves. It works at least on J.D. (“I am so not speaking to you, Rhonda, thank you,” dismisses Coxy. “I’m sorry, you’re very excited,” titters Rhonda.), but its effects are dubious on its intended recipients. Sure, they look excited and say things like “Go, team cancer!” but when Dr. Cox swoops metaphorically out the window like Superman, they’re once again alone with their problems. For such a hero, somebody sure beats a hasty retreat.

The surgical floor. Turk is very angry that he didn’t get tomorrow’s Whipple procedure and he’s called Carla in to commiserate. He starts to freak out a little but she pulls him aside and tell him that he needs to calm down: no one else is turning their surgical career into an ego-driven contest. Almost immediately, a tiny Asian woman walks in, sees the board (and that she got the Whipple): “Suck it, Turk.” This makes Carla take back everything she just said (“I’m going to end her.”) but Turk pulls her back. And of course, here comes The Todd, telling Turk to let her go. “It’ll be so hot.”

Rounds: Dr. Kelso is grilling Elliot about the treatment for “organo-phosphate toxicity.” She confidently rattles off a whole mess of medical terminology that I’m not even going to bother trying to spell, but he shoots her down. “Sweetheart, if I wanted three wrong answers, I would have just asked for the usual.” As Elliot’s fragile ego is trying to recover from the insult (Dr. Kelso really used to be mean!), Kelso turns his attentions to stuttering, nervous Dr. Doug Murphy, berating him for using “Um” before every sentence. He asks the poor intern whether he has a speech impediment or if he’s “a stammering know-nothing who doesn’t belong in medicine,” and Doug’s response is, hilariously: “Um.” This sets Kelso into a rage and he screams for all the interns to get out, get out, get out! Nobody is having a good day in this hospital, or so it seems. As soon as the interns are out of range, Kelso smiles: “Jumpin’ Jupiter, I do enjoy the tough love.”

From behind him, Dr. Cox notes that the interns probably enjoy it, too, “whether they admit it or not.” And then he does a weird impression of an intern that kind of makes me fall in love with him. (I keep forgetting to add Dr. Cox to the list of fictional characters/actors I want to be my father. He would be joining Anthony Stewart Head as Giles from Buffy, Victor Garber as Jack Bristow from Alias, and the most recent addition, Bruce Greenwood as Captain Pike from Star Trek. I think that if I had all of those men as my father, I would be very well-adjusted.) However, he immediately transitions the lovey-dovey impression into a bubble popping monologue: “They hate you, Bob. They hate you from the bottom of your hooves to the top of your pitchfork. They hate ya, dear God, they hate ya good.” Kelso is left stunned with a giggling Laverne, and when he asks her what she’s laughing at, she answers: “That hoof and pitchfork part,” and keeps giggling. Then she gives him a scary look and he backs down, because everybody knows that Laverne is the real Chief in these parts.

The break room. Dr. Cox, whilst sitting on his ass and being all avoidy, is imploring J.D. to get control of Ben and make him act like a real patient. “No problem,” says J.D. as he’s suddenly hit with a camera flash. The camera pulls out and we see that Ben is also chilling in the breakroom. J.D.: “I got him to put his gown on.” Ben’s all, “You sure did,” and pulls out the new picture. “And now my butt itches on account of the scratchy chair,” he says, rubbing his ass all over the couch, not even stopping when he asks what they’re watching. He keeps on rubbing as Cox answers him. They’re watching Wings, and shut up, Cox likes the cab driver: “Heeee slays me.” J.D. takes the opportunity — smiling like an idiot — to tell Dr. Cox a bunch of inane facts about Tony Shalhoub, none of which Dr. Cox wants to hear, and after one of Cox’s classic anti-J.D. speeches, JDVO pipes in: “I didn’t care about the abuse. The most amazing thing for me was to watch how Dr. Cox dealt with his friend. How he made him feel safe.” Ben asks if he has to see a “special doctor,” but Dr. Cox pretty much does the opposite of what J.D. says and changes the subject. He doesn’t want to talk about Ben’s cancer, and that’s all that’s really on Ben’s mind. Dr. Cox: “Ben, leukemia is a petty, ugly illness, and we’ll not dignify it by speaking of it unless absolutely necessary. Is that clear to you?” Ben nods. On the surface, Cox’s speech sounds heroic, but really it’s just another way of avoiding. J.D.: “You are such a stud.” Ben: “That was interesting.”

The surgical floor, Turk confronts Dr. Wen about choosing Tiny Asian Woman (whose name is Bonnie) for the Whipple, and Dr. Wen is like, um, yes, CLEARLY I chose Bonnie for the Whipple, why are you asking me this? Bonnie takes the opportunity to mouth rude things to Turk behind Dr. Wen’s back, and then we’re flashing back to earlier with Carla. Turk is pouting, and she tells him he should probably just let it go, not do anything to make it worse. And then POP, we’re back in the scrub room, and Turk says: “You guys ever notice how you’re both Asian?” They simultaneously give him the best look ever.

Escalation

J.D. is heading somewhere, not exactly sure where yet, but on his way to the elevator, he’s stopped by the Janitor, who informs him that he knows J.D.’s mother’s maiden name was “Turner.” J.D. takes this in stride, noting that the Janitor could simply have broken in and read his personnel file.

Then the Janitor starts talking about J.D.’s first kiss, Sarah Briggs, and a whole mess of stuff, including how he wonders sometimes if she still thinks of him. J.D., cow-eyed: “How could you possibly know that?” Janitor: “I’m your father.” J.D. backs away as the elevator opens, walks in, and then, curious, pokes his head out. The Janitor awaits him with open arms. J.D. retreats into the elevator, where he finds Ted with three other men. Ted, he says, “You probably don’t notice it yourself, but this hospital is a FREAK SHOW.” Ted nods and then proceeds to introduce J.D. to the other three, his “band,” who all work in different departments of the hospital, and who most do versions of cartoon themesongs.

As J.D. is stuck with Ted’s band, we transition to outside the elevator, where Dr. Kelso is puzzled by the singing sounds. He sees Elliot and Carla walking towards him and orchestrates an impromptu confrontation. With all the sincerity of a predator luring his prey, Kelso tells Elliot that he hopes he didn’t upset her too badly at rounds that morning, but she is oblivious to the danger and blunders on with her mouth. Elliot’s one of those people that says everything she’s thinking — good, bad or retarded — so she starts babbling at warp speed to Dr. Kelso about not hating herself more than usual. He smiles, which should have been a warning, and tells her that he’s having all the interns fill out evaluation forms for him. “Don’t sign your name,” he says, “it’s completely anonymous.” Then he tells her that he’s no “she-doc,” he can take it, grinning like a fox. After he leaves, Carla and Elliot go into spasms of joy, and Carla grabs the form out of Elliot’s hands. “Give me that,” she says, drooling, “I’ll fill it out for you.” She’s been waiting her whole life for this moment.

Back in Ben’s hospital room, Cox is laying on the hospital bed and Ben is doing wheelies in his hospital standard wheelchair, because both of them are “rebels.” Ben’s oncologist is giving them the bad news — Ben’s blast percentages are way up — while J.D. and Jordan look on. The news isn’t good; in between golf jokes, “the best oncologist in the room” tells him that they need to start chemo right away. Neither Ben nor Dr. Cox take the news so well. Ben, minus his characteristic humor, asks Coxy if he’s going to be there, but Cox brushes him off, saying he has lots of patients to look after, but that he’ll leave his “lovely and talented assistant, Kimmy” (J.D.) to look after him. On the outside, he’s all, everything’s cool, man, but on the inside, he’s just like I am SO OUT OF HERE. Ben pretends that this jackhole behavior doesn’t upset him and then we’re out.

The cafeteria, Elliot has crazy eyes. She and Carla are telling Laverne about their Kelso review through their giggles. Carla: “No matter what I wrote down, I always brought it back to sexual inadequacy.” Doug joins them and Elliot eagerly asks him what he wrote for his Kelso evaluation. She plays it cool for a second, like, oh you didn’t get yours yet, and then Doug, with a surprisingly awesome line delivery, says: “Nobody got one,” and continues eating his lunch as the panic begins to wash over Elliot like a tsunami.

Just then, Kelso walks by, smiling that cheery fox smile of his and waving the Elliot/Carla disaster in his Machiavellian little fist. Carla and Elliot don’t say anything; they just stare at each other in horror.

Back on the surgical floor, Turk is busy kissing Dr. Wen’s ass. “I just want to take the opportunity once again to apologize to you and the entire Asian community.” Turk ruins the moment again by interrupting Wen’s thoughts about surgical interns not being shallow and obsessed by asking who the best surgical intern is. Bonnie? Him? Dr. Wen says nothing, just looks over Turk’s shoulder and nods. Here comes The Todd, spewing knowledgeable medical jargon like nobody’s business, and then finishing it off with a slamming high five. Turk has no words.

Later, J.D. catches up with Dr. Cox in the hall, telling him that Ben seemed pretty down after he left and that he would  be more than happy to cover patients so Dr. Cox can spend more time with Ben. Dr. Cox stops dead in his tracks, (“Newbie, no!”) whirls around and lifts his finger . . . and then nothing. JDVO ponders to us about how different people handle bad news differently. “Some people have a visceral reaction” (Elliot pukes in the cafeteria as she sees Kelso reading her review), “some people go into denial” (Turk watches The Todd scrubbing for surgery with a sneer on his face), “and others . . . others just walk away” (Cox blatantly tells J.D. that he can’t handle being around Ben, as he believes Ben is going to die). Almost nothing pulls my heartstrings more than Perry Cox being emotionally vulnerable, and I’m not ashamed to tell you that I tear up as J.D. watches Cox walk away, his metaphorical red hero’s cape falling off his shoulders.

Climax

Ben’s hospital room, JDVO is musing about the poisonous nature of chemotherapy while Ben informs the room of his childhood traditions. “Every time I got sick, Mom would get me a Tonka truck.” Jordan: “Yeah, so?” Ben: “So, where’s my Tonka truck?” Jordan doesn’t say anything, just reaches into her purse and pulls out a Tonka. Ben is giddy (I love Brendan Fraser . . . did I say that already? Because I do). J.D. tries to get the Tonka away from him like a little kid, but Ben ain’t having it. Meanwhile, Jordan starts complaining about Perry bailing on Ben: “He’s always out the door if things get too real.” Cue one of the most random J.D. imagination sequences in the history of the show:

It’s The Real World. J.D. has emo nineties hair, Ben is holding a chihuahua and wearing a neck scarf, and one by one, the characters take turns with this: “This is the true story” (Ben: “Truuee Stooorry”) says J.D., “of four people forced to hang out in a hospital,” intones Jordan, wearing a jaunty hat. Ben: “To find out what happens when people stop being polite . . .” (at this point a hand drawn animation appears over Ben’s face, saying “Has Leukemia” with a frowny face) . . .

. . . and cut to Dr. Cox, who is standing on a bench and peeing over the side, chewing a toothpick: ” . . . and start being real.” End J.D. imagination sequence. J.D. — standing at the foot of Ben’s bed — feels the need to defend his hero. He tries to tell Ben and Jordan that Dr. Cox didn’t bail, but Ben is barely paying attention. “If he did, he’s a total wuss,” he says, not looking at J.D. and instead driving the Tonka truck across his sister’s chest, making it take a dump on her, which is actually a pretty effective stress-relieving activity.

Back out in the halls, Elliot and Kelso are having another type of confrontation. She’s whining pathetically, trying to get back on his good side, about how he tricked her into giving him an “anonymous” evaluation. Kelso tells her that with her way, there would be no accountability, “no back and forth.” Then he reads aloud some of the stuff that she supposedly wrote about him (i.e. “I’m most likely frustrated since I haven’t gotten any since the Bay of Pigs.”) Elliot apologizes profusely and hilariously: “Sir, I’m so sorry . . . are we cool?” He asks her “what in the world possessed [her] to write such filth,” and when Carla tries to take the blame, Elliot brushes her off. She tells Kelso that she just thought it would be funny, since she thought he wouldn’t know it was her. Kelso: “Let’s take a walk. I’d like to tell you a few things that I think are funny.” He leads her off to her death, Carla watching, all guilty.

Meanwhile, pre-surgery, The Todd is pretending to spank a hot nurse through a glass window. Turk wants to know how he can possibly be the best surgical intern. Dr. Wen: “You wanna know what the difference is between you two? When you’re working, I can always see your wheels turning. You’re thinking about what you have to do next, what could go wrong. You’re not in the moment. As much as it pains me to say this, The Todd is.”

TVO (Turk Voiceover) starts going on about medical jargon: “Just because I” blah blah blah (seriously a lot of blahs) “doesn’t mean I think too much.” Then the camera pans over to this:

TTVO (The Todd Voiceover): “Dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum, dum dum dum shiny scalpel! Da da dum dum dum dum, gonna slice him up!”

The hallway, J.D. steps off the elevator (most likely the same one as before) and The Janitor greets him with more creepy tidbits. Janitor: “You’re afraid of escalators.” J.D.: “That’s not uncommon.” Janitor: “You like the way cashmere feels on your skin.” J.D.: “How are you doing this?” Janitor: “That’s right, run away. Run away from the truth!”

Dr. Cox’s apartment, a little later. J.D. has come for an intervention. He has his earnest face on. He tells Dr. Cox that the only reason he’s not down at that hospital right now is that he’s afraid. Dr. Cox tells him he’s right, “I do, and partly because you’ve really gotten to know me this year” (J.D. smiles like a cornball), “but mostly it’s because I told you that I was afraid earlier today so please don’t tell me you’ve come here to reiterate things I’ve already said.” J.D. is apparently overcome. He spouts out: “You’ve gotta get back in the game, Coxy!” but then immediately regrets it. Cox tells him to get out, but J.D. is really angry. He starts yelling at Dr. Cox about bailing on patients, but Cox corrects. Ben’s not a patient. Patients lie in beds and don’t call you friend. He says he’s going to try and get in to see Ben over the next few weeks, but if he doesn’t, “then that will be very sad for me, but really? It’ll just mean that I’m human.” This is something that J.D. definitely doesn’t want to hear. Dr. Cox isn’t human, he’s Superman. Dr. Cox is what gives J.D. the strength to get out of bed and come to work every morning. And Cox knows it. He tells J.D. that he knows he isn’t here for Ben, he’s here for him, and that he’s scared he’ll have to rely on himself for once instead of old Coxy. I think he’s missing the point. J.D. leaves Cox to his thoughts.

JDVO: “I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone.” The screen splits and we see Ben reclining in a chair next to Dr. Cox. “You’d never know it, but there’s most likely tons of people feeling exactly the same way.” Ben and Dr. Cox move simultaneously, putting their hands behind their heads. This choreographed scene could have come off as cheesy, but I love it so much that I don’t even care. “Maybe because you’re feeling completely abandoned . . .” The screen splits again, adding J.D. to the mix. ” . . . or maybe because you realize that you aren’t as self-sufficient as you thought.” The screen splits again, pushing Dr. Cox out of the mix and adding Carla. All three characters lean forward, their heads in their hands, their hands on their knees. “Maybe because you know you should have handled something differently.” Another split and push. Ben is gone, replaced by Turk. “Or maybe because you’re not as good as you thought you were.” Their arms are crossed, legs extended. They all look very sad. JDVO continues: “Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity or you can suck it up.” They get up from their chairs. “It’s your call.”

Resolution

The surgical floor, Turk is about to confront Dr. Wen. This part is awesome. Bill Lawrence & Co. make the inspired decision to have Ted’s band sing the Underdog theme throughout. It starts off with their voices low and bum bumming, and then picks up. It’s so dumb, but it gives me goosebumps. First, Turkelton tells Dr. Wen that he doesn’t care if he’s not the best right now. One day, he’s gonna own this place (so true). “That’s right. All of this over here. All of this right here. It’s gonna be the Chris Turk wing.” Then he makes awesome face and strides away. Ted’s band changes key, and now it’s Carla’s turn. She tells Dr. Kelso that she was the one who wrote the nasty comments about him in Elliot’s evaluation, and then Elliot butts in. She says that she would have written every word if she’d had the courage, and does he want to know what she really thinks of him? Carla bumps her arm, “You tell him.” Elliot closes her eyes, squinching them real tight, and then opens them. Kelso goes bug-eyed. She says, simply: “You’re mean.”

Ted’s band kicks into high gear as JDVO tells us that if Dr. Cox is too scared to do what he should, then he’ll have to be there for Ben. All the singing and all the awesome and J.D. is walking slow-mo down the halls of Sacred Heart, and Ted’s singing “with speed of lightning, roar of thunder,” and it is AWESOME. Then the music stops as J.D. pushes open the curtain to Ben’s room, only to find Dr. Cox beside his bed. “Oh, thank God,” he says. “Goodbye, Newbie,” says Dr. Cox. And then he’s alone with his fears. He’s all, what’s up? Ben’s like, Hey not much, I totally met someone. Deadpanned: “She took a stool sample, so I think she works here. Redhead. Uh, tall?” Dr. Cox: “Not on the staff, no.” Ben: “What a strange young lady.” But it’s all just a cover. Dr. Cox asks Ben if they’re just going to sit around and make jokes all day, and Ben says if it makes him uncomfortable he can just “bolt again.” Cox says Ben needs to hear his end of the story, and then says nothing. Ben: “Oh man, I love you. But you’re a complete wuss.” Cox says he got a little scared, and Ben replies: “Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you through this rough patch.” Cox pleads guilty, saying Ben knows he’s not good at this stuff, the big conversations. Then Ben starts talking about death, pushing Cox’s buttons. “Do you think it’s like New York?” Cox buries his head in his hands, but they’re okay again.

JDVO tells us that to most people it might seem like nothing had changed, but it had a little. Doug stutters during rounds and Kelso holds his tongue. Turk sings during surgery. “Cut him up, cut him up!” He also tells us that Ben eventually responded to the chemo and went into remission, but “that’s not what this story’s about. It’s about the day I realized that admitting we’re not heroic is when we’re the most heroic of all.” Cox leaves Ben’s old room, passing J.D. and Ted’s band in the hall. The band is going full-score on Underdog again, and Cox walks away in the glowing light to the tune. He puts his hands on his hips, turns his head, and walks on. It’s a beautiful sight to see.

We transition to J.D. writing all of this in his journal. He finishes writing, “I guess he’ll always be a hero to me” and stows it away in his locker. Just when you think it’s over, the strummy music is playing, and J.D. is out the door, a record scratches and Janitor peeks his head around the corner. He breaks into J.D.’s locker with a screwdriver and pulls out the journal. “What a girl,” he says, after reading J.D.’s last line. “What else we got?” He shuffles the pages around, and then: “Theater camp. Bingo.” Evil chuckles fade to black.